JC's Journey: Co-Sleeping

Yes, I co-sleep with my Jacob and I wouldn't change it for the world!! In the early months of his age he would start off by sleeping in his bassinet then he eventually ended up in our bed between Lester and I. He slept between us for about a month or two until a dear friend of mine lost her baby due to SIDS (not in his crib, but in his car seat sleeping). I was devastated when it happened. All I kept thinking to myself was WHY? Then other thoughts in my head started to creep in, what if I lost Jacob due to SIDS (ugh! just writing it down makes my anxiety level go up) I honestly wouldn't be able to cope! I would be an emotional wreck, I wouldn't want to live anymore. It's so hard for me to write about this, its not easy, I get so choked up over it. BREATH. When she lost her baby, my anxiety came back and I was diagnosed with postpartum depression because of it. I was prescribed prozax to help me through my anxiety. During the same time I noticed that Jacob's right pupil was slightly bigger than his left one. You could just imagine how I was feeling when Dr. Patel recommended him to see an Eye Disease Specialist. Thank God, he is alright! We finally decided to put Jacob to sleep in his crib and made it into a co-sleeper bed. His crib is a 4 in-all bed, Lester removed the side railing and pushed the crib next to our bed. I bought a second mattress to place on top of the other to level it out with our mattress. Jacob sleeps in his own bed and we sleep in ours, but he is still next to me when we sleep. It has made night feedings a whole lot easier. I have recently purchased an Angelcare Baby Sound Monitor that was well worth my money. You simply put the pad under the mattress and it detects EVERY movement, EVERY breath Jacob takes. Because this sensory pad is so sensitive, our co-sleeping days are over :( If we continue co-sleeping the pad will pick up on our breathing movements as well and in case of an emergency it wouldn't detect if Jacob ever stops breathing. So for now we will have his crib against the wall with all railings up, but he still will be in our bedroom. I still can't let go and have him be in his own room. I am completely ATTACHED to him. I am going to miss reaching out and holding his hand while I sleep in the middle of the night, but it's for the best. As for him being in his own room, he still has his whole life to be in his own bed, so for now I will enjoy waking up in the middle of the night looking over and seeing him sleep peacefully through out the night.